Hey, what's up everybody? I hope everyone is doing well. We are limping through a pretty dry winter here. Hardly any snow which is both good and bad. Hardly any brutal cold temperatures which is always good. Seriously, I have no complaints about the weather or anything else for that matter. Life is good. I'm patiently waiting for spring so I can cut the grass and get out fishing or looking for rocks!
Oh, before I go any further, I just wanted to say thanks for taking time out of your day to read the content I try to put out. I really do appreciate it. I know that I am not the best writer but I enjoy telling stories and I love when I get feedback on the stuff I write. Seriously, thank you!
So here's the deal. What I am writing about today is 100% factual. None of this shit is made up or just my opinion. All of this has been tried in courts across the country and everybody knows it's true. You are welcome to disagree if you'd like. That just makes you WRONG!
Where are all of my Mexican friends? You guys, holy shit! Where would I be without you? I love everything about you guys! If I didn't marry my wife, I would have married a Mexican girl. I love your accents. I love your culture. I love tequila and that makes mariachi music just a little better. Most importantly, I love your cuisine! Mexican food is the best and that isn't open for discussion! Like I said, nothing but the facts, Jack.
Vegas people, do you remember Macayo's? I didn't think anything could be as good as bacon, but then I strapped into one of Macayo's kids bean burrito! Holy shit! Life changing. Yeah, I know where just talking about a bean burrito, but Macayo's did something to me. Simply put, this was just house-made refried beans and a flour tortilla. Nothing else was better!
Yeah, I ate some Mexican food at Mexican friends houses. That is how I also got introduced to Tamales which is the 2nd best option when eating Mexican food. All of the authentic Mexican food I have tried is top notch. I've even liked some Tex-Mex food from down around Texas. It isn't the same. It's gests a 2nd place trophy which still makes it pretty good.
Here's the thing. You walk into a good Mexican place. Somebody's Abuela is in the corner making fresh, hot tortillas. They've got a little mariachi music going on. The tequila is flowing. Everybody is happy! (I've never seen anyone mad at a Mexican joint. Never!) They typically give you too much food, but you don't give a shit if you're like me. Nope, you eat and drink until you are on the brink of making yourself sick, and you LOVE IT! You don't care what it costs.
You walk around and subconsciously start doing "gringo" shit. You start saying "gracias" with your shitty accent. You start high fiving everybody! I don't know what in the hell is going on, but this happens! 100% truth.
Okay, now fast forward to this past summer. The wife and I were talking about one of our local Mexican spots. And yep, even for Wyoming, we've got a couple spots that throw down some serious Mexican cuisine! My wife looks at me and says, "I was talking with the girls the other day and one of their husbands said, "Anything can be a burrito?".
I looked at her and nodded. The man wasn't wrong! Everything is a potential burrito, but I suggest you leave this to the professionals! Of course the wife disagreed. "No, only burritos are burritos" she said. I chimed in with, "Oh yeah, then why can I make a peanut butter and jelly burrito?'' Her face wrinkled up and her head tilted left. "How come I can make a hotdog burrito? How come I can make a cheese burger burrito? It's not the same as real Mexican food, but it's close."
I went on for about an hour accepting challenges to my burrito theory. She says, "You can't make a burrito out of cereal?" I laughed and said, "Las Vegas, May 13th 1979 at my mom's house. It was a Saturday. Mom had something to do that morning so I was on my own for breakfast that morning. We had cereal but no milk. I started looking around. I grabbed a tortilla, 2 handfuls of Count Chocula and wrapped that bastard up Macayo's style and BAM! Cereal burrito!"
Naturally she discounted my claim. "It didn't have any sauce" she said. My retort, "Your spit is the sauce on this bad boy. A little saliva mixed with chocolate dust from the cereal... You can't go wrong! Cereal burrito, Baby!"
She said, "Would you make a burrito out of, say, spaghetti?" I replied, "Been there and done that, Baby. Probably 10 times by now. If you have left over spaghetti and there is no garlic bread... but you find a tortilla??? Bam, you're in business kid!"
"What about egg or tuna salad" she asked. "Honey, you aren't even trying me with this one. A couple scoops of that stuff, a couple jalapenos and a sprinkle of extra onion, egg salad burrito!" She really started to think. She then hits me with "What about pizza?" I said, "Pizza is damn near an Italian burrito. It's just flat. Roll that bastard up and bingo! Pizza burrito!"
By now, she had just about enough of my shit. I could still see the gears turning in her head. She wasn't convinced. I walked out to the garage to fix the weed eater. As soon as I was knee deep into that endeavor she opened the door and said, "Pancakes." I didn't even look at her. I said, "Sweet Pea, a pancake is a white guy tortilla. You can wrap anything up in a pancake and call it a burrito. Bacon, sausage, eggs, whatever. I don't want to bore you with details but, put some peanut butter on a pancake and roll that rascal up. Yep, you guessed it. Burrito!"
She shut the door lost in between dejection and frustration. I wasn't wrong. Technically, everything I said was true about the burrito. It is the worlds most perfect food. I don't think she disagrees with that premise. Burritos are perfect. She just can't get on board with just anything being inside a burrito despite the evidence I provided for her.
Anyhow, I got the weed eater fixed and started to get the lawn mowed. I was out there about an hour. She came out with a cold beer and handed it to me. Her next words were, "How about smoked oysters?" I laughed. "Easy peasy, Baby. Open your can of smoked oysters, drain that shitty oil out and pat the oysters dry. Get your tortilla and a bit of your favorite squeeze cheese and chuck those oysters in the mix! You guessed it, smoked oyster burrito." She shook her head and walked away.
I finished mowing the lawn and was cleaning up my gear. She heard me back in the garage. She opened the door and said, "I am through with the burrito conversation." I said, "The hell you are. I once made a burrito wrapped in another tortilla. I made what may have been the first burrito/burrito. You can't win this argument. Everything is a potential burrito!" As she walked away I said, "I have used General Tso's chicken in a burrito. I have used sushi in a burrito. I have used Caesar salad in a burrito. Everything is a potential burrito!"
Since that day, she and I have shared dozens of meals. And each time we eat, I look her dead in the eye and say, "This would make a killer burrito." If she didn't love me, she would hate me. I doubled down on everything with this discussion!
Now that I think about it, I don't know why she was even arguing! She loves Mexican food and she loves a damned burrito every now and again. Her favorite Mexican food is a Chile Relleno. I haven't had the heart to tell her how good that god damned burrito would be. Maybe I'll save that one for the next time we go out for Mexican food.
