Grammar

So, I had the day off but had to come to town to drop something off at work.  I proceeded to do so and decided that I wanted a fresh cup of coffee for the ride home.  I left work and headed directly towards my usual morning coffee stop.  As I went through a school zone, I noticed I had someone tailgating me.  I didn't think too much of it and just went about my business.

As I pulled into my coffee stop, the young kid who was tailgating me decided it was wise to approach me about the situation.

Kid:  How come you were going so slow back there?

Me:  Because it was a 20 mile per hour school zone.

Kid:  That don't matter.

Me.  Doesn't... That doesn't matter.

Kid:  Huh?

Me:  You said, "That don't matter." That makes no sense.  You should have said, "That doesn't matter?"

Kid:  What fucking difference does that make?

Me:  It makes a big difference if you want to be taken seriously.

Kid:  Yeah, well, why don't you speed up?

Me:  Because that is a school zone.  The speed limit is posted at 20 mph so I will go 20 miles per hour.

Kid:  Are you fucking serious right now?

Me:  I'm pretty serious all of the time.  Do you want me to take you seriously?

Kid:  You'd better take me seriously!  I'll kick your old ass!

Me:  I would take you seriously if you used proper grammar, pulled your fucking pants up, wore a belt to keep them up and had the nuts to look me in the eye while I am talking to you.  You can't do any of that shit including kick my ass.  If I want any more shit out of you, I'll squeeze your head and finish the abortion the doctor gave up on the day you were born.

Maybe the kid was anti-abortion or he perceived this as a "Come to Jesus" meeting.  I don't know, but something convinced him that things were not going to go the way he thought they were.  At this point, he decided to disengage.

We both walked into the store.  The young man ended up in line in front of me.  As he stepped up to the clerk, the clerk asked, "How are you today?".  The kid answered, "I am late for school."

 It was at that very moment that I realized I had just stumbled upon my life's calling.  "Brice Dudley-Life Coach"  Open for business, any time.