Oh man, it's been a while since I've been on this thing. I hope everyone is doing well. We've got a hell of a day on tap here! Sun is shining, supposed to be around 70 degrees. I'm not sur3e it can get much better around these parts. So if you're up and around, get out and capture some of that Vitamin D! I need me some of that!
So anyhow, I come to you today with an update of sorts. I had my7 right shoulder repaired back on February 19th. Complete rotator cuff repair, they also relocated my bicep tendon, got rid of some bone spurs and cleaned out all kinds of arthritis around the labrum.... whatever that shit means.
If you're in line for a shoulder surgery, I'd like to offer you a bit of advice. First of all, the surgery isn't bad. Why? They knock your ass smooth out, and if you're a lucky sort like I was, they hit you with the bonus nerve block. If they offer the nerve block, take it.
The first couple of days are a real peach. You'll be higher than a giraffe's ass and you are going to forget some shit. Have a competent individual around to make sure you're taking your pain pills on schedule. That shit is critical!
Almost every time the wife came out to administer more pain meds every 4 hours, I was awake. You just can't really get comfortable. Real sleep is almost impossible. You get a lot of 1-2 hour naps and that kind of sucks. So, one day, since I was sleeping, I didn't get my meds. The doctor will tell you that "sleep is important". Guess what? Not as important as those pain pills!
I arose to this incredible pain. I've never felt anything like it. I sat there for about 10 minutes wondering what in the hell I did in my sleep to cause this. I'm not going to say that I was contemplating ending it all, but if I would have died, I don't think I would have given a shit. It was miserable.
Oh, speaking of shit, the pain pills they give you will likely plug you up. I did my left shoulder in 2023. Everything about that surgery was great! Pain was totally under control. I did not get constipated and when I did go #2, I could easily take care of business afterwards because I was right handed.
This go around was a bit different. As I mentioned, I am a "righty". Everything I have ever done besides swing a baseball bat or caught a baseball has been done right handed. Now, my right arm was in a sling, it had been a week since I dropped the kids off at the pool and all of a sudden, it was GO TIME!
After a week of not going, I knew this was going to be a work of art. Half way through my bowel movement, it hit me. "You've got to wipe your ass left handed." I sat there looking at my left hand. It clearly wasn't up to the task. 58 years on this planet and my left hand has been nowhere near my ass. I thought, "How is this going to go down?"
The answer to that is, poorly. It went poorly. Here's the thing about my left hand. It has no depth perception. Your off hand has no business messing around the under carriage. None. But, the deed was done and there was no way in hell that I was going to ask the wife for assistance. I promise I will die before that happens. So, there we are. First attempt, I think I just wiped my back. Not useful since I don't shit out of the middle of my back. Second attempt I thought, "Holy shit! This guy is aggressive! I wish I had given myself a "roofie"." Third attempt, I wasn't sure if I was actually trying to wipe my butt or taste the toilet paper by going in the long way!
I somehow eventually managed to get it done, but I was on the can so long that I put both of my legs to sleep. As I tried to stand up, both legs at the same time said, "Not now, jackass" and I promptly fell forward on my knees with my head busting a hole in the drywall. Now I have a broken wall, a concussion and a suspiciously semi-clean ass which didn't seem to important after breaking the wall with my head.
My next thought was, "Holy hell, I am going to have to do this again at some point. We have a lot of room for improvement." Thankfully things did improve. I'm still not convinced that my left hand as gotten any depth perception. I will say that perhaps ol' lefty is used to the new surroundings that it gets to frequent.
Anyhow, I told you that in order to tell you this. I'm 12-13 weeks Post Op. Physical therapy is going good but I've got a way to go. I have been told on a couple of occasions that complete recovery is often a year or longer, but the danged thing feels pretty good. The shoulder, not may ass. My ass is still on strike for the unfair labor practices of my left hand. It should not be in charge of anything. ever, especially matters of this magnitude.
