"Lottery winner defecates on bosses desk"

So, I'm cruising around on social media today trying to find something to pretend to be outraged over and I come across an article that a friend of mine posted.  The headline said, "Lottery winner defecates on bosses desk".  That piqued my interest and it's just about what you think.  This old gal hits the lottery for a good amount of dough and decides "It's time to retire so I'll go shit on the bosses desk."  That's probably not logical for a lot of people, but I think I get it.

First off, nothing says you're leaving like shitting on the bosses desk.  One way or another, your ass is outta there!  Secondly, at some point, aren't you obligated to shit on the bosses desk?  Seriously... if you hit the lottery for $20 bucks, you are not going to shit on the bosses desk.  But if you hit the lottery for say, $150,000 or better, the thought has to cross your mind.

I swear to God, if I ever hit the lottery for like $1,000,000 dollars, I am going to go on a shitting rampage!   I'll shit on my own desk....  I'll shit on an ice cream truck...  I'll shit on the cat.... Hell, I'll shit on the neighbors cat and nobody is going to do a thing about it! 

Well, somebody would probably complain.  Someone might call the cops, I guess.  But wouldn't that be fun?  Getting arrested for being a mad shitter?  The cops show up in hazmat suits, rubber gloves and armed with a can of Frebreze.  "Come out with your ass up!"  You'd reply, "Never coppers!  I just ate 5 bars of Ex Lax and you'll never be able to take me in."

Now, the ball is totally in your court!  The cops would have to seriously think about taking you in.  "That's a pretty big feller there.... if he ate 2 bran muffins, a hand full of prunes, 5 bars of Ex Lax and drank a pot of coffee, I am not putting his big ass in my patrol car!  It'd be a shit-a-poluzza!  I ain't dealing with that.  They don't pay me enough money!"

Then you could bribe the cops to take you in.  "Listen up cops, if you take me in, I am going to shit all over your stupid cop car, but.... but.... I'll give you $25,000 dollars."  $25k might not be enough to get a dirty cop to bite (that is an awful term to use at this point), but if he has a sense of humor???  He might just do it!

You'd be in the news paper.  He'd be in the news paper.  Your shitty lawyer would be in the news paper.  The chief of police would have to make some kind of shitty statement on the nightly news.  The judge...  HA HA HA  This guy would lose his mind!

Judge:  Did you poop all over the place?
Me:  Yep.
Judge:  Why? 
Me:  $1,000,000 dollars.
Judge:  You pooped all over the place for a $1,000,000?
Me:  Yep.
Judge:  Well, I'm going to have to fine you and throw you in jail....
Me:  I wouldn't do that if I were you....
Judge:  Why is that?
Me:  I'm the Mad Shitter!  I'll shit in your jail.  I'll shit in the courtroom before you get me out of here.  There is liable to be shit on your desk, on your robe and your shit gavel.  You don't look like the type of guy that is amused by shit. 
Judge:  Yeah, please don't shit... please.... Can I speak to the laywer's please?
Prosecutor:  Your honor, I think he's serious.
My Lawyer:  By God, he is serious... he's the Mad Shitter.
Judge:  Now I'm afraid to even fine him.
Prosecutor:  I don't blame you, but we have to do something.
My Lawyer:  I'd be careful where you step....
Judge:  That's sound advice.  Mr. Prosecutor, can we just drop this case and pretend it didn't happen?
Prosecutor:  I think that's reasonable and responsible, your Honor.  This is the shittiest case I've ever seen.
My Lawyer:  You ain't shittin!
Judge:  Case is dismissed....

Hmmmm, I probably ought to get back to work before I fired....... or, maybe I ought to go buy some lottery tickets.