The Power of Music:

 

Good Morning Everybody!

I hope everyone is off to a good start this morning.  I hope your coffee was hot and strong and your mug was full.  Me?  Hell, any time I can wake up and wiggle my toes seems like a set up for a good day.  I'm not so sure how to get around the start of this entry.  Probably ought to just get to the heart of it and start with the title.

Music...  Not sure I know anyone who doesn't like music.  How can you not like music?  There has to be a genre out there for you that means something or the sound just hits you right.  There has to be.  Maybe you have a favorite artist or maybe there is just a type of music that once you heard it, it just grabbed you and never let go.

A buddy of mine is a fan of Chamber Music.  Orchestral type stuff.  Although I find some of it absolutely beautiful, you won't find any of that stuff on my play lists.  It's just not for me.  I can appreciate it, but enjoy?  Probably no.  Mind you, I'm not repulsed by it.

One of my kids loves Dub-Step.  I think that's what it's called.  Do you know what I am talking about?  Its that type of music that sounds like it smells bad...  It sounds like throwing a handful of used parts and broken tools into your clothes dryer and turning it on.  That shit, and he LOVES IT!  I don't get it.  I don't listen to it.  I won't say it bothers me though.  It's just not for me.

My other kid loves K-Pop.  Apparently this is Korean Pop Music.  How he found that is beyond me.  His mother was in the music industry for decades.  Not once did she ever play any of that.  I don't even know if she can identify it.  Doesn't matter.  Not my style and I am not pissed it exists.  Apparently the shit is somewhat popular.  Who knew?

My wife is a hippy.  She loves all music, but mostly hippy shit like Blues Traveler.  Again, not for me.  Too damn squeaky or something.  Sounds like everyone in the band is playing a different song.  But with that said, she really does like all music types.  Between she and I, we introduced our kids to everything we listened too and school music turned them onto stuff they probably never would have heard around the house.

I'm a different duck in this family.  I once told my wife while I was drinking that there "is only 19 good songs".  At the time, I had an IPOD with 19 songs on it and they were all good.  She never forgot that and holds me accountable for saying it.  Looking back, it does sound ridiculous.  There are probably, maybe like 50 good songs out there and the other shit I listen to is only kind of good.

My favorite music is Rock and Roll!  Country, Blues, some Motown stuff.  Even some rap, especially old school.  Something with some emotion.  Something that means something.

So, I reckon I said all of that in order to get to this.  I was listening to the radio this morning while running an errand for work.  I was listening to the local country station.  I contend that country music isn't what it used to be.  I like some of the 90's country from when I was at the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar.  There were a lot of good songs from that era.  And harmony... these guys knew something about harmony.  Back then, if you didn't have harmony, you didn't have shit.

Nowadays, I think all new country sounds the same.  It almost doesn't matter who is singing.  Male, female... doesn't matter.  They all sound the same and they are all saying the same shit.  But, there is a guy.  He ain't new.  He's been around for a while, at least long enough to somehow get famous.  Before I go any further I have to say that this "new guy/who ain't new" took a coveted position from whom I thought was the worst of the fucking worst.

Kenny Chesney...  I hated that guy.  The tone of his voice made me want to throw groceries at old people.  I just don't get the guy.  Not sure there is even anything to get.

But the guy I am talking about is Jason Aldean.  I would go on a world tour with Kenny Chesney rather than have to listen to one of Aldean's attempts.  I was in the bar business for nearly 20 years, and in that time I was fortunate enough to meet dozens if not hundreds of really talented people out there giving them hell and trying to make a name for themselves in the industry.  Some of these people had incredible voices.  Some were fantastic song writers.  Some musically were absolutely unreal!  And out of nowhere, this jackoff Aldean shows up and everyone goes wild.  What in the fuck am I not getting???

Imagine if you will, stepping into a porn theater and accidentally putting your hand in a random wet spot.  That is Jason Aldean.  He is the auditory equivalent of accidentally putting your hand in a pile of homeless, degenerate man milk.  He's gross.  He serves no purpose but whenever I hear him, I think about checking the oil in my Jeep.  

Here's the kicker.  So many of the newer guys sound just like him.  They just don't suck as bad.  Dumb ass drum machines... talking about "dirt roads" and not doing certain shit in "his town", cut off jeans and some bow legged ass girl with her feet on your dash.  

I mean, there ain't any fiddle.  Ain't no steel guitar.  No dobro. No harmony. Ain't even a touch of "twang"! None of that!  Anything that ever made country music good is not available in a Jason Aldean song.  It ain't there. 

His lyrics... holy shit.  His songs are written by the same feller that writes songs for that dude who looks like Butthead.  What's his name?  Big ass forehead, receding hair line.... Luke Bryan!  Even Luke Bryan is a stretch better than Aldean!

If a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich was made by a one eyed midget with a broken spork had a sound, it would be Jason Aldean. Jason Aldean is like ketchup on a perfectly cooked rib eye steak.  Gentlemen about my age, have you ever accidentally sat on one of your own balls?  The noise you make when you do is more melodic than Jason Aldean music.

I don't know.  Maybe he is a nice guy or something.  I don't want to shit on this guy, but I feel as if I have too.  To his fans, are you aware that there is other music out there?  I mean, you can go to any Motel 6 with a hot tub and find another soggy ass, puss crusted band aid floating around to try and listen to that.  

Have you ever had a colonoscopy?  Do you remember that first big ass fart you blew when you were coming out of anesthesia?  Pair that fart with a out of tune 3 string guitar and you just wrote an Aldean song.  

Like I said, maybe he's a nice guy.  I wouldn't know.  I don't want to know.  His music killed a part of me that I'll never get back.  This guy is a singing insurance seminar.  

If you like him, please don't tell me.  This is the one thing I cannot know about you.  I'll go as far as to say, liking his music is inexcusable.  If you want to hear something just as good, you can do that armpit fart thing.  At least that is almost amusing.