Times, they are a changing!

Howdy Fuckers!

I hope everyone is off to a great start today.  Things here at the ranch are about as good as they can be.  No fires in the immediate vicinity but I do have some tall pasture grass that I have to get knocked down this week before it catches fire.

I'm still trying to recover from shoulder surgery.  The good news is, my therapist did some awful PT witch craft shit to my arm, like nowhere near where the surgery took place and I'll be damned if the wing didn't have a positive reaction!  I'm tickled shitless.  This one has been a bitch of a recovery.  I'm probably getting a little cocky but I am going to ask Dr. Haas if I can get out and fish.

Anyhow, that ain't why I'm writing.  You never know when inspiration will strike.  Today it stuck me while looking at social media and checking emails.  I saw something that hit me a little different.

 

Look at this kid!  We don't even beat off like we used too back in the old days.  I mean, what in the hell went wrong with the old way.?  Good grief...  A little lubrication (or not if you're frisky and in a rush) and a little motivation and shazaam!  Way back in the day, the Sears Catalog was jerk fodder.

Not this guy.  Something went wrong way before he stuck his schnitzel in a god damned hornet hive!  This is not, nor can it be the normal progression of masturbation.  It just can't be!  Seriously, how do we go from regular masturbation to this?  No steps in between?  No barbed wire oven mitt with Crisco?  No hand full of crushed glass with hand sanitizer?  Straight to the hornet hive???  Come on, man.

Here's a guy so committed to his craft that he bypassed a partner.  Yeah, no having sex with a partner.  Straight to the hornet hive.  This act leads to a lot of questions.  Did you paint your pecker to look like a big bee?  Smear some honey on that thing?  Why a hornet hive and not an ant hill or something?

Look, man.  I believe we should all be allowed to do whatever we want in private as long as it doesn't harm anyone else.  I've never been an advocate for hornets.  I don't like them at all, but when I say "FUCK HORNETS",  this is not what I mean!

Here we are living in this crazy ass world.  As fucked up as it is, we laugh, joke or cry about our current state of affairs and this go getter comes up with "I'm going to hump a hornet hive."  It doesn't get any more fucked up or funny than that!  

So what's next for this kid?  No shit, where do you go from here?  You have to think that this kid has been through farm animals, midgets with a stutter, the dumpster at the truck stop.  

This kid is a minor.  His folks know about this.  His grandparents know about this.  His whole school, the whole town knows about this!  I don't think you come back from something like this.

Maybe the guy had a grudge against his genitals.  If you have male genitalia, take a quick look at it.  This is, without a doubt, one of the ugliest physical attributes on the planet.  You've got this messed up turkey neck accompanied by a couple of walnuts covered in chicken skin.  I don't like my genitals that much, but I don't hate them enough to stick them in a god damned hornet hive!  Can you dye your pubes or give it a perm?  For Christ's sake kid...