Good morning, good night, good day, good week, good whatever. Whatever it is, wherever you are, I just hope it's good. Things here are going as well as a guy could hope for. I'm just tickled to still be around to enjoy or endure this, whatever it is.
Let's get into this. I am conducting some social experiments this month. I'll tell you why. Subtle changes. There have been subtle changes in our every day verbiage, depending on the generation. For instance, the words or phrase "thank you" has been replaced by the phrase, "no worries".
I fucking hate that. No worries? None, whatsoever? Come on, man. There are some worries, aren't there? At first, I took offense. I was taught to say thank you when someone does something for you. It seems appropriate. "No worries" seems like the answer to another question that we haven't even gotten to yet! "Do you have any worries?'' No worries. "Thank you." No worries..... Did you even hear what I said?
Most likely, this is just a problem for me. By no stretch of the imagination am I a wordsmith but I do like to try to figure out where words or phrases came from and well as why and when they are used. This "no worries" shit just hits me wrong.
So, I took it upon myself to try a social experiment. I am walking around with a loaf of French Bread. When someone tells me "No worries", I bust them in the head with the loaf of bread. It doesn't hurt them, but lets them know that there is indeed at least 1 worry. Some jack ass might whack me over the head with a loaf of bread. There is a worry that you didn't even think about until just now.
Imagine sitting down for dinner in a nice Italian joint. The server greets you at the table, brings bread and mentions the specials. You thank him. He says "No worries." You stand up and throw the bread at him. This should be viewed as a learning experience. A correction, if you will.
One thing that pisses me off more than "No worries" is the person who says nothing. You hold the door open for someone and they just walk right past you and say nothing. Are you kidding me? At a bare minimum, you do that stupid little mouth click thing and point at the guy who held the door. You don't do or say nothing.
I tried to figure out a way to help folks with this social injustice. I figured, the best way to handle this situation is to trip people as they walk by. You hold the door, they say nothing, you kick their feet out from underneath them!
I gave it a go this morning. I held the door open for a guy who said nothing, so I tripped his ass. After stumbling for about 4 steps and being all of the way in the store, he hit the floor like a lead fart! I looked at him as he tried to get up. He said, "What the fuck?" I pointed at the floor and did that little mouth click thing and walked away. Now, this jack ass doesn't know for sure if I tripped him or if karma arrived with a prompt bitch slap! Did this guy learn anything? That is yet to be determined. Was it funny and just? Yes on both accounts.
By the way, I have to find a new place to buy bread and the manager at the convenience store told me that I can't come back. And in true form, I thanked him. It wasn't hard.
