Crank Calls

Crank calls aren't what they used to be.  Caller ID ruined what we used to do as kids.  Since I am a kid at heart, I do reverse crank calls.  This is when your target is whoever calls you.  

I just got a new truck.  Somehow, some way, I must have gotten on a list for numerous financial institutions.  I get 3 calls a day from them.  Some of these calls are automated.  I went through all of the steps in order to finally talk to someone and they normally hang up real quick.

Yesterday while in the shop, I got a call that interrupted some good old country music, so I answered.  I didn't give them the traditional "Hello" horseshit. 

Me: Thanks for calling back so quick, doctor!

Them:  This isn't the doctor.  This is in regards to your loan application.

Me.  Jesus, is this operation going to cost so much that I have to take out a loan?

Them:  Sir, we just need to ask you a couple of questions and then you can qualify for an immediate loan for up to $75,000.

Me:  A rash on my ass is going to cost $75,000?  That seems like a lot.  I figured you'd prescribe a salve.

Them:  Sir, did you apply for a loan?

Me:  No, I have an itchy anus.  I didn't know I could get a loan for an itchy ass.

Them:  Thank you for your time.

Me:  Hold on.  How did you get my number?

Them:  You recently filled out a loan application.

Me:  At the doctors office?

Them: Sir, it was a consumer loan application.

Me:  For ass salve?

Them:  Thank you.  I must end this call now.

Me.  Hold on.  I apologize.  I have too much going on.  Yes, I did fill out a loan application but I also have this ass problem.  I may have gotten the 2 confused.

Them:  So you are interested in a consumer loan?

Me:  Goodness yes.

Them:  Very well, we just need to ask you a couple of questions.

Me:  Okay. Are they going to be personal questions?  

Them:  No sir, these will be in reference to your income, your housing situation and things like that.

Me:  Oh, I get it.  Yes, please.  Lets continue.

Them:  Do you own or rent your house?

Me:  Yes

Them: Do you own or rent?

Me:  I do.

Them:  You do what?

Me: I rent or own my home.

Them:  Fuck you!  I am so sick of this bullshit.  I am going to hang up now.

Me:  That's hurtful.

Them:  Click....

That is my bench mark.  I have to keep the next person on the phone longer than this.  Normally they hang up quickly.  This shit gives me great joy!  I encourage you to give it a go.