Everything will kill us eventually....

Most of us know that we owe it to ourselves to eat right, drink plenty of water and get lots of exercise.  It's the recipe to good health, is it not?  Well, we've been told it is, but I have to wonder.  Allow me to elaborate.

The USDA, FDA, CDC, and the American Health Association among others all conclude that the right foods in the right amounts, water and exercise are critical in achieving optimum health.  Other health gurus suggest adding supplements to better your chances at optimum health.  But what has me wondering is this.  For the most part, the soil in which we grow our food is either depleted of natural nutrients or amended with man made fertilizers, some of which are known to cause cancer if ingested in large quantities.  (Taking it in smaller quantities is supposed to be good for us?)  The water/aquifers we use to irrigate our food crops are often polluted with industrial waste, pharmaceutical compounds and other stuff that none of us would ingest on purpose.  And lastly, the air in which makes all life possible is polluted with all kinds of shit that will kill you.

It's obvious that we don't get out of here alive, but the last couple of sentences make me wonder how in the hell we stay alive in the first place!  As I mentioned above, our food sources are under a constant bombardment from cancer causing agents.  We've gone as far as to genetically modify everything from corn to chicken.  Once modified, we supplement these modified food sources with crap we basically just made up. 

Now, as if that weren't bad enough, the government agencies that over see all of this has determined that there is a certain level of rat shit that is allowed in our food.  To me, that's convenient because you can easily hide a rat turd amongst a bowl of chocolate flavored cereal.  Other things like rodent hair and spider legs are perfectly acceptable in our food.  I've got to tell you.  Rat shit, rodent hair and spider legs are probably the healthiest shit we eat these days!

What brought all of this on was a brief discussion I was having with a buddy while picking up a cup of coffee (which at one point was considered really bad for our health and years later, the same governing agencies have decided that there are actually medicinal benefits from a cup of coffee).  The conversation began when I heard the girl behind the counter say, "oops, I almost gave you 8 shots of espresso instead of 4".  Let it be known that 8 shots of espresso has the ability to lay down a case of diarrhea so severe that one could completely dehydrate themselves and croak.  (Maybe not, but I'll use that non-fact in this particular situation.)  I laughed and said, "that'll get the day started!" as I reached for some artificial sweetener.  I then said, "excuse me while I grab some cancer causing agent".  I further elaborated that it was brought to my attention that the shit I was putting into my coffee can not be processed as a food and that it basically turns into a wood alcohol.... and if I'm not mistaken, is used in varnish!  Yum...  My friend said, "Everything is going to kill us eventually" and he's right.  My thought on the artificial sweetener is this.  My insides will be well shellacked so when they do the autopsy, there will be no mistakes on what it is that killed me. 

With that being said, I have to hope to croak from "natural causes" in order for my presumption to be of any use.  Combine the shellac with all of the preservatives, I ought to have a shelf life of about 213 years, but I know I won't make it that long because this dawned on me.  I have or had hobbies that allowed me to handle shit that causes cancer all of the time.  Shooting!!!  You can't eat gun powder as a health food as it has some lead in it.  Bullets as well used to be made solely of lead.  There used to be lead based paints, and I know I ate some paint chips.  (Maybe that explains my writing style?)  I've run in a few demolition derbies.  Car crashes kill people all of the time and demo derbies are a constant succession of car crashes.  You also end up with petroleum products all over yourself.  Nothing like taking a bath in cancer causing agents, right.  (I shit you not, my grandfather used to wash his hands with gasoline after working on greasy stuff in his shop.... he somehow managed to stick around for a pretty good while.)

Things like some of our hygiene products are blasted full of stuff that will kill you and we are buying those products more now than ever.  We've become such germ-o-phobes that we use antibacterial soap so frequently that we now have super bugs that can't be killed by the crap we invented to kill it.  At one point in time, penicillin changed the world by killing bacteria that had previously been killing millions of people.  Now we have bacteria that kills penicillin!  Wonderful, right?

I don't know.  All of this makes me look back to when my great grandfather died.  He lived to be 94 years old.  Grandpa used to have a slug of whiskey every morning before breakfast which consisted of bacon and eggs... every day... until he had a stroke that put him in the hospital where he eventually died a couple of days later.  The doctors classified his death, now get this, as "related to his dietary intake".  Really? 94 years old, eating the same exact thing for 9 damn decades and you're going to tell me this was diet related? 

The man was 94 years old.  His mind processed so much bullshit in 94 years that is short circuited!  His diet had shit to do with his death!  If bacon and eggs were as bad as they were once believed, he wouldn't have lived to 40, but he doubled that and added an addition 14 years.  Truth be told, he also lived in a time before all of this shit the government said was okay to add to our food.  He drank water from a well which was sunk in an untouched aquifer. 

Everything will kill us eventually!  According to doctors, bacon caught up to grandpa at 94, may he rest in peace.  What a way to go, though.