Not your average Dr. Seuss

"Good morning" I said, and they replied "How are you?"
I said "My car isn't running right and that has me blue."

They then said, "I'm sorry about that.  There's no need for panic."
I said, "Thank goodness for that because I need a mechanic."

They promised they had all the tools, they had all the skills
and were more than happy to relieve me of my ills.

I told them "That makes me happy" and I urged them to take a look.
But I had no idea that I was dealing with a crook!

They called to inform me that things looked quite bad.
They quoted me a price and made me feel sad.

They said "the price of the parts, seems to be the culprit''
as he said with a grin from his all mighty pulpit.

I said, "Dear sir, that price seems quite high.''
But I was talking on the phone so I couldn't look him in the eye.

He told me with assuredness that his quote was correct.
I told him that I was going to shop around, he said "why not? what the heck".

So I did shop around for a different mechanic to use
and I found one whose price quote made me bemused!

I told this new guy about where I almost went
then I asked him how he could be cheaper by 66%?

"Don't go to him.  That guy is a quack!"
I said "Please fix my car and you know I'll be back".

I called the other guy and said "You're quote is real funny. 
I just got another quote and it will save me some money."

On the other end of the line there was immediate silence.
It was as if he knew me and expected some violence.

I said, "You tried to take advantage of me and I think you're a jerk.
I found a new mechanic and I'll give him all my work."

The dumb S.O.B said, "That's all right.  I don't care"
to which I replied, "Im coming for my keys and you ought not be there."

I said, "I hope a pissed off 3rd grader stabs you in the neck with a lead pencil
and leaves you lying on the ground like a chalk outline dead body stencil."

Before he hung up I said "I bid you adieu"
I followed that up with "Ill never need anything from the likes of you."

Now I am happy, so elated with my new found friend.
So I said "screw you mother fucker" and this is the end......

What's the matter with this country?

I doubt that I have the proper certification to answer this query, but I do have rights that allow me to say what I want.  With those rights come responsibility and accountability.  There are a couple of down sides to being able to say what you want to when you want to.  One is, the shit you say ought to be free of libel and slander otherwise someone else will use a right and sue the shit out of you.  The other is, you might be issued as ass whoopin.  With that said, please don't sue me and I ain't afraid of your ass whoopin.

Moving forward, I guess the answer to the question depends on whom the question is asked.  For me, its pretty simple.  In my life time, I don't know if the country has ever been more divided than it is today.  We've gone on to label everything and every one.  The issues are either liberal or conservative and you are either a "libtard" or a "tea-bagger".  And, as long as we are all preoccupied with bullshit, we don't have the time to address the other issues.  The following are my opinions on what is wrong with this county.

The election process is a joke.  It's antiquated and its full of corruption just like everything else having anything else to do with politics.  There is too much money involved and politicians are easily bought and sold in seedy back room deals.  Take a good look at how many millionaires there are in politics right now.  Get a gander at their net worth if they've been around for a while and tell me these people aren't selling out. 

So there's that level of dishonesty and then there's this one.  Lying.  Lying is part of every day politics.  Harry Reid has come out and said that he lies all of the time and that fucking guy has been re-elected dozens of times!  Now that we've entered another election cycle we have to be prepared for more lies, but were not.  We don't do anything with them  We certainly don't hold liars accountable.  Nope.  We elect them.

The Democrats are going to lie about the Republicans.  The Republicans are going to lie about the Democrats and in order to get the nomination of your respective party, you've got to make shit up about the people vying for the same position you are.  What makes matters worse is, once you get your parties nomination, you have to choose a running mate. Quite often it is out of the group of no good for nothing sons-a-bitches you bellyached about for the 16 months leading up to the election!

Here's the breakdown of this entire situation:
1.  A known liar gets nominated from his respective party.
2.  This liar picks another liar out of a pool of liars as a running mate.
3.  The election process is over when the electoral college says it is and the popular means jack shit.
4.  The President takes office and you either like him or hate him but it has nothing to do with what
     fucking matters.  It has everything to do with is party affiliation.
5.  Presidential lies (or should we call them "short comings") end up being exposed.
6.  If you're from that particular party, you kind of ignore them as if nothing happened.
7.  If your from the opposing party you are up in arms over the lies and misrepresentation!  You're
     livid!  You'd rather have your lying shit bag of a human in office!
8.  If the President is from your party, you blame all of the nation's problems on the last President
     who by the way was also a liar.



As Americans, we pretend to be fed up with the process but we continue to do the same old shit time and time again.  We keep electing liars and expect the truth.  We elect dishonorable people and expect honor or integrity.  It's laughable.  How can you be fed up with a process that you continue to put up with?

Seriously.  Haven't you gotten rid of "friends" who consistently lie to you?  I have.  I've gotten rid of employees who've 'misrepresented' the truth so why would I not hold people who are supposed to represent me to those very same standards?  As a nation, we don't.  We don't care enough about being told the truth by the people who represent us, I guess.

I'm trying to work this out in my head.  Why would I be part of the problem by contributing to the problem and then complain about the problem?  It seems counter productive to me.  (Its like having your kitchen on fire and you are throwing bacon grease on it expecting it to go out.)

I don't think I can participate in the shit show any longer.  It's stop voting or vote like the sheep.

"...and I approve this message."

Well folks.  Here we are again.  What an exciting time to be an American, eh?  We've just begun another election cycle.  Nor, for more than a year, we have the opportunity to listen to a bevy of bloviating windbags lie their asses off in an attempt to get elected to the highest office in the land.  If you don't see it that way, you've not been paying attention for the last couple of decades.

I guess that is the beauty of it all.  You don't have to pay attention in order to vote!  Screw that!  You've got a ton of friends who are in the know!  They listen to MSNBC and Fox and they are quick to spread the bullshit nice and thick for you.  This removes any personal responsibility other than getting your fat ass down to the polls.  Now, all you have to do is vote for the person you hate the least.  That's right.  You're going to take the time to go vote for someone you don't like in an attempt to keep someone else you don't like out of office. I can't tell you how many times I've heard an ignorant, I mean educated voter say, "I'm not voting for this guy.  I'm voting against the other guy."  Does nobody else see the dysfunctionality with this brand of "logic"?

There are a lot of ways to look at politics and politicians.  There are a couple of analogies I like to use.  The first analogy involves chicken shit.  Two piles of chicken shit to be precise with a little bit of a chicken shit dribble in the middle.  Each pile of course represents one of the major political parties and the chicken shit dribble in the middle is 3rd party candidates.

When you enter an election cycle, you shove your pile of chicken shit into the center of a paper plate, right next to the other pile of chicken shit.  One on the left and one on the right.  As the shit settles and dries out a little bit, a white speck begins to develop atop the chicken shit piles.  That is the candidate that the rest of the pile sends forward to represent "the people".

 Are you feeling a little better about the whole idea now?  If not, maybe this will help.  Chicken shit if anything is a mild annoyance.  Its one of those things you've heard described as "you'll know it when you see it".  Most people don't have to deal with chicken shit, but those that do or those that have studied it see it for what it is. 

Chicken shit is a commodity.  It can be bought and sold, just like a politician.  Chicken shit is a commodity when its packaged properly, its sold as fertilizer.  You can go out and buy tons of chicken shit, throw it into your fields and plow it under.  Now who wouldn't want to do that with about 500 of your favorite politicians or chicken shits, eh?  Anyways, these chicken shit specks atop each respective chicken shit pile tells you all kinds of wonderful shit they are going to do and then tell you how useless and evil the other pile of chicken shit is.  Even though they are both chicken shit, either pile thinks its better than  the other pile and they will say and do things in order to prove it.  We as the consumer lap the chicken shit up! 

We choose a pile of chicken shit and we vote for it because we've decided we don't like the other chicken shit.  Maybe it won't go as well into our gardens. I don't know.  Anyhow, as time passes, we realize that the chicken shit said a lot of things that just aren't true.  The chicken shit said it was going to do a lot of things but it doesn't happen.  The chicken shit is a liar! Most of us don't care, though. We keep voting for our favorite brand of chicken shit.

We are loyal to our brands of chicken shit, and we have to be.  The system is set up that way!  If you like anything the other chicken shit says or does, you're a traitor and no longer ride for the brand.  The system can't have that.  We have to hate the other brand of chicken shit.  it doesn't do anything right and our friends tell us that all of the time.  Facebook is full of information relevant to this issue. 

I didn't forget the chicken shit dribble in the middle.  This chicken shit is really of no consequence.  At first, the chicken shit dribble causes a disturbance and draws a little attention to itself.  We being the consumers start to take a look at this alternative brand of chicken shit.  We soon find out that it is a little bit of chicken shit pile "A" and a little bit of chicken shit pile "B"!  This is the "Donny and Marie" of chicken shits.  Its a little bit country and a little bit of rock and roll.  This is the escape defectors from either chicken shit brand above has been waiting for!  It ends up being kind of sad however.

As time goes by, the chicken shit dribble loses some of its flavor, so to speak.  Some of the people who were holding on tight have now decided that the chicken shit dribble has no chance of being elected, so they go back the brand of shit they are most familiar with.  Others, the "die hards" will hold on for all they're worth. They'll vote for the alternative shit dribble in defiance, just as long as they don't give a vote to either of the other chicken shits.  And... they're proud of this.  They are proud that they voted for chicken shit, just like everyone else.

(CUE THE NATIONAL ANTHEM)



Ladies and Gentlemen,

This great country of ours was forged and shaped by some very great people.  These people were strong men and women who wanted freedom and were willing to fight for it.  These people were often armed with nothing but a good work ethic, honor and integrity and that all went to hell when we started ripping off the Native Americans.

As Americans, we tried to do right by other people but that really just meant fucking them over a little more.  But we were a proud people and we asked others to join so we could put the screws to them, just the same.  We could have left everyone alone and let them live the lives they wanted to live as they saw fit, but we had to label them as chicken shit.  (Tee hee hee, that rhymed.)

I'd like you to think of America as a giant dinner party we've all been invited to.  We've been promised a truly extravagant dinner and that no expense was too great for us.  As you are seated, it becomes abundantly clear that this is not a free extravagant dinner.  It is a shitty luncheon that you'd never come to if you knew that they only thing on the menu was chicken shit cooked 2 different ways. 

As a consolation they tell you that your chicken shit will be served on either a red or blue keepsake plate.  On one of the plates, the chicken shit is whipped into what appears to be a nice dessert by a chef who has been known to lie a lot.  You're told to put that fact aside and enjoy the free dessert and everybody gets some.  The other plate is prepared by a chef who comes off as about as stable as the San Andreas fault.  Basically nothing this guy says is true, but people seem to like this plate because the guy will say whatever he wants, whenever he wants, regardless of any shred of truth.

Americans!  I urge you to push away from this table.  You deserve more than chicken shit, but you keep ordering it.  I want you to see the errs of your ways and I want you to quit ordering the chicken shit!  I want you to hold out for a fucking steak.  Make them get beef on the fucking menu!

My name is Brice Dudley and I approve this message.