"Urgency"

If I can, I'd like to take a minute and talk about urgency.  Urgency is another one of those words that gets misused.  The meaning of the word is somewhat convoluted these days.  For instance, the other day my son texted me and said "Urgent, get back to me when you can."  As soon as I get the text I am thinking, "what in the hell went wrong now?".  The kid has been out of the house and in a college dorm across the state and has managed to break his glasses and his arm in the first 2 days, so his text did seem somewhat "urgent".

So I text him back right when I got the message.  "What's wrong now?"  Honestly, with this kid I don't know what to expect.  I think I know him pretty well, but he isn't off to an effortless start in Laramie.  He writes back, "Can I use the debit card to order food?"  That's urgent?  The kid has the school meal plan, his momma sent him to school with half a dozen gift cards and he wants to know if you can use the debit card for food and is calling that urgent?

I hope to high hell this college education thing works out and he at least learns the meaning of urgent.  It'll probably be a bit of a rip for the amount of money we are spending but he has to come away with at least that.

Anyhow, on to something that is a little "urgent".  I pull into my coffee stop to grab a cup of mud and realize that I have to make a pit stop.  I walk into the bathroom and step up to the urinal to take care of business and all of a sudden, the bathroom door nearly explodes behind me!

In shuffles this guy, half stooped over, holding his guts and he says, "God, please don't let me shit my pants now."  That's urgent!  Urgency made this guy pray out loud about not shitting his pants and he did that in the face of a complete stranger!  Well, me being me, I laughed my ass off.  However, the context of what he said got me thinking.  Perhaps over thinking....

"God" in the expression used means he was urgently requesting that the holiest of holy start paying attention right this second.  "....please don't let me shit my pants now" means he somehow determined that there is a better time to shit his pants!  (And a bit selfish if you ask me.)

I'm not so sure I understand that.  The urgency I understand, but the message could be a little confusing if God were working on something like world hunger.  Old Bob shitting his pants after a bad breakfast burrito is pretty inconsequential.

And really, if you just have to shit your pants, why not do it in a place where there is a modicum of anonymity, a place to clean up plus a handy receptacle for disposing of ones soiled knickers?

If you ask me, Old Bob got the whole thing wrong.  Everything sounded synched, linked and ready to stink.  Shit your britches, Bob.  maybe you find it a bit nostalgic.  Who knows, but you probably ought to leave God out of your shitty pants.