Dear Bubba?

I'm curiously surprised at the relative success that I've achieved with this blog.  More people than I could have ever imagined tune in regularly to find out what I am going off on.  I've touched on subjects from the mundane to controversial and still receive encouragement to reach out further, to dive in a little deeper with more subjects.  The amount of support I've received has been my biggest encouragement, and I thank each and every one of you who continues to tune in.

As you may be aware, I've not been too busy writing lately, but this recent call to service has piqued my interest and I think I owe it to you to pay this some attention.  In the last 2 months, I've received at least a dozen inquiries for me to help show some people the light and be their "beacon of hope" with some difficult situations in their lives.  The following are a couple of the questions I've received and the answers I provided.  I hope all of you find the value in this and I encourage you to write in with your problems.  And for the record, I am not really qualified to offer the quality of help that say, "Dear Abby" provides, but I do have a level of life experiences that can perhaps fill in some of the gaps that "Abby" might not be able to touch upon.

March 21, 2014
Dear Bubba,

Do you know the difference between the colors pink and purple?

Thanks,
Color Blind


Dear Color Blind,

Thanks for your inquiry and I believe I do have the expertise to provide you with some valuable information.  The difference between the colors pink and purple are due to the strength of your grip.  Stop choking your chicken so hard.  You're doing something real wrong.  "Lubricate before masturbate."

Love,
Bubba


March 31, 2014
Dear Bubba,

My fiance proposed to me this New Years Eve and we are busy planning an early Fall wedding.  I am very thankful for the amount of time and effort that "Jim" has put in during the planning process, but it seems as if we've come to a stand still pertaining to the wedding announcements. 

The date, time and place have all been confirmed but we are in a big fight over which calligrapher to hire.  One option is a family member while the other is a professional, but both are requesting a large sum of money.  What would you decide?

Sincerely,
Soon to be


Dear Soon to be,

This is a problem for you, eh?  Jesus.....  Here's what you do.  Depending on where you live, you probably have a few children in the neighborhood.  Pick a kid older than 6 (because they tend to write more legibly) and buy him/her a brand new box of crayons and dose him/her up with a bunch of Nyquil.  Crayons and Nyquil will cost you $7.00 max, and the more Nyquil your little artist consumes means the less legible the writing will be.  That means addresses and names will get all screwed up, people will not receive the announcements and you'll save money on the other end when there are less people at the reception drinking up the open bar tab.

Love,
Bubba



April 9, 2014

Dear Bubba,

My best friend Mike and I have been friends all of our lives.  We grew up together, played sports together, went to the same schools and up until recently we literally did everything together.  About 2 weeks ago, Mike moved into a new house and had a giant house warming party that I was not invited too.  Considering our history, I am really confused.  Did I say or do something wrong?

Regards,
Confused


Dear Confused,

Buy a cat, pussy!

Love,
Bubba



(I hope everyone found some value in the questions and answers above.  If you have a question for "Dear Bubba", respond to this blog post.)