Hey world, meet Zahara....

What an unexpected blessing I had today!  Really, it was the best of all unexpected treats!  I had the opportunity to find out who Zahara is!!!  (ZAW HAW RAW)  I didn't know I could ever be so thankful after an event.  Now I thank my lucky stars after meeting this little bundle of joy.

 Zahara and her mommy were grocery shopping today when I ran into them.  Actually, Zahara ran into me, literally. Her little head hit me just above the groin while I was trying to get out of her way.  See,  Zahara wasn't paying any attention to what she was doing and her mommy wasn't paying attention either.  She was busy multitasking.  She was blocking the isle so nobody could get by and texting on her cell phone.  I could tell that Zahara and her mommy were having some special "mommy/Zahara" time because Zahara was throwing a fit over being told "no" to some toy she wanted. 

So anyhow, little Zahara was having a hard time after being told no and was walking away from her mother, apparently to teach her some kind of lesson.  Zahara was on the left side of the isle, so I moved to the right because she looked as if she meant business.  She was screaming and stomping her feet while looking over her shoulder at "mommy".  Zahara decided to change lanes and runs into me as I turn broad side to give her just a bit more room, for safe passage.

Poor Zahara looked startled when I made that wonderful noise one makes after being head butted in the nuts.  Zahara's mommy looked at me like I kicked her puppy.  See, it was my fault that Zahara ran into me.  I could tell that because it was all over mommy's face.  "Zahara, please come here.", mommy said but little precious Zahara was a little reluctant.  Zahara instead said that she wanted a specific cereal and insisted that they go to the cereal isle at once!  "Zahara, we made a deal about the cereal, remember?", mommy asked.  Zahara was having none of it and she rounded the corner at the end of the isle only to run into someone pushing a basket.

This hurt poor little Zahara.  You could tell from the fucking scream she let loose with.  Mommy was real quick to rush to her little angels aid.  Mommy threw the older lady the stink eye because it was obviously the ladies fault that Zahara was a little shit, throwing a fit.  I laughed a little and moved mommy's shopping cart.  Mommy said, "Hey, my purse is in there!" as if I was going to steal it and she wanted to affirm that it was indeed her purse and nobody elses.  Besides, how much money can a teenage meth head mother really have?

                                                                

I thanked her and told her that I was just moving her cart out of the way so people could get through, while she was busy tending to her wailing child. (Who was not hurt, by the way.)  I then heard mommy say, "Zahara, its obvious that nobody is going to pay attention in this store today" removing any doubt that she and Zahara were obviously victims in today's grocery store encounters.  She asked Zahara to "be a big girl" and to "come back over by the cart".  She also let it be known that she was talking to Aunt Joanie and Aunt Joanie said they could come over and eat pizza later. 

Wow!  "What a day for little Zahara!" I thought.  Fucking up where ever she goes in the grocery store and pizza at Aunt Joanie's house later!!!  Zahara must have been elated.  I moved far enough away that I could not hear the rest of the conversation, so I continued to grab the few items I came in for. I was going to try to sneak out without having to encounter Zahara and mommy again.  To my pleasure, Zahara began throwing another fit, I'm guessing in the cereal isle.  The distance was the give away because her wail was nowhere near as piercing as it was just a moment or two prior.  It was one of those special 2 pitched wails that little kids do when they hold their breath for about a minute before cutting loose.

That little Zahara!  What a blessing.  And her mother?  Such a treat to be around.  I bet Aunt Joanie was just thrilled with anticipation of her next special visit with "Zahara the Fairy Princess" and her absolutely clueless mother.

I couldn't help but wonder, "where is daddy" through all of this.  Then I remembered that any sane man probably threw himself off of the Snake River bridge right there in Alpine.  I mourned his passing because this show was worthy of watching some dad have a complete melt down.  As I exchanged money for goods, I thought that daddy was probably very much a part of Zahara's life.  Mommy looked to be 17 so I was sure there was a responsible 17-18 year old father, never more proud of his gift from God.

I thanked the clerk, grabbed my goods and headed towards the door.  I looked back over my shoulder as I heard Zahara's mommy trying to bribe her to "be a big girl".  Zahara had that precious little snot bubble pulsating out of her left nostril, and tears all over her little cherub face.  That made me glad.  Glad to be alive.  Glad to have had the opportunity to have my life blessed by a chance encounter with Zahara and her mommy.  Glad that I had boys...

As night time nears, I can only imagine what nite-nite time looks like as Zahara's house.  I bet mom is frazzled and I bet daddy wishes he would have invested $1.50 at the truck stop in Rock Springs for a condom.  To that I say, "rest easy, daddy... the rest of your life will be filled with wonderment".

"Amazing"....

Have I ever freaked out on the word "amazing" around here before?  I think I have.  The word is so commonly misused it just irks the shit out of me.  To me, the word "amazing" should be reserved for all of the really cool, one off shit that seldom happens.  You know, like if your kid started shitting 24 karat gold Bitcoins or something.  That would be truly amazing.  But to say that "the soup was amazing" is a damned stretch.  Its water, spices, vegetables, maybe some meat, and maybe some pasta or rice.  Nothing about that shit is amazing.

Well, today I saw something amazing!  Normally I'd never use the word because of how I feel about it, its misuse and over use.  Here's the thing... I saw a dude preparing 2 hot dogs at the Maverik Station.  Nothing amazing about that.  I watched this guy filet 2 large hot dogs with his pocket knife, and lay them cut side down on 2 hot dog buns that were flattened in the bottom of a paper plate.  That's not amazing either, but we are getting close to the amazing shit.  This guy put mayonnaise, mustard, brown mustard, chipotle mustard, sweet mustard, and ketchup on them, but it didn't stop there.  This guy went on to use all of the lettuce they had sitting with the condiments as well as about a 1/2 pound of each of the following: Jalapenos, banana peppers, lettuce, onions, sauerkraut, sweet relish, and even salsa!  Even that isn't amazing.  He managed to squeeze a couple of packets of hot sauce on top of the whole mess and had to use 2 hands to carry this massive gastrointestinal nightmare to the register.  It had to be 6 pounds of shit, and the condiment bar looked like it had been hit by a tornado.

The nice lady at the counters eyes got the size of cake plates.  She politely says, "Will that be all" without any hint of sarcasm in her voice.  (That was damn near amazing.)  The guy says "Nope" just the way I though he would and then I heard it.  "That'll be $3.00." 

Just how in the hell do you charge this guy $3.00?  $3.00?  That shit is amazing!  I would have charged his ass $12.50 just upon principle.  You don't go into a public place and jack it up like that!  And you can't give this guy a lecture on the subject.  You can't say, "do you make hot dogs like that at home"?  You know damned well he does!  Where else did he learn that shit!  So you can't say anything like that.  What you can do is say "God Damn", but the point is guaranteed to be missed.  This clown will take the "God Damn" as a compliment.  He thinks you are proud of him for piling that much shit in one of those small hot dog plates they have.

Folks, the facts are simple regarding this scenario.  #1.  It was AMAZING that they didn't charge this guy by the ton.  #2.  You can't fix this kind of stupid, but it is always good to point it out to your kids.

'Common Sense Gun Control" the guy says....

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/05/14/a-former-navy-firearms-instructor-and-proud-gun-owner-on-why-we-need-common-sense-gun-control.html

The above link is to a piece written by Shawn Van Diver.  Shawn is a 12 year Navy veteran (thank you for your service, sir) has been a police officer on a Navy base, a firearms instructor, has worked in private security, has worked in education and is also a single father.  Shawn also states that he is a gun owner and is all about "common sense gun control", as the title of my piece states.  He also states that he is not "out to grab guns".

I hope you take the time to read his article.  Right now, as we speak, I am okay with a couple of his ideas.  I'd like to sit and think about some of them before I totally commit to being completely on his side.  The one problem I have is, his entire article is written in reference to legal citizens-legally buying/owning guns.  The common sense stops there, if you ask me.  He has left out an entire group of gun owners who obtain their guns by illegal matters.  Criminals.... we are talking about criminals.  There was no "common sense" talk about how to control the "gun owners" who have ill intentions, run drugs, car jack people, rob convenience stores, home burglaries....  Where is the common sense there?  This is the one part of the equation that these people seem to forget.  For one second, do you honestly think that if I, a law abiding citizen gave my guns up that a gang banger in Vegas would do the same thing?  Not a chance!  It won't ever happen.

One thing the guy mentions is training.  I'm a firm believer in training!  I think anyone owning a gun should have some training and spend some time training on a regular basis.  What bothers me about his ideas is making this a legal issue.  The who, what, when, where issues come to mind.  Who would be the governing body that ensures that the training is adequate, what is actually taught, when the training will be and where it will be held.  Something else that comes to mind is, who is in charge after all of this training?  Not everyone is a "range rat" and I myself could certainly use more time at the range.  But all of this training that is being spoken of is easily misplaced if not used often.

Mental health evaluations....  This is opening Pandora's box if you ask me.  I know it seems justifiable to make mental health evaluations mandatory, but under what criteria do we judge someone as being mentally incompetent?  Shawn mentioned that perhaps someone who has been popped for a DUI would be incompetent or someone with other misdemeanor arrests would be incompetent.  I have a problem with that.  Honestly, it sounds like his idea on how to pay for things surrounding the whole issue and that too, I have a problem with.

Honestly, to think that a guy who recreationally smokes a joint every once in a while could be judged as mentally incompetent if he were caught and cited for a misdemeanor, is ridiculous to me.  This particular guy in this particular scenario is not likely to grab a gun and go shoot up the neighborhood or rob the convenience store.  He is far more likely to order an extra-large, double pepperoni pizza and fuck that up in the sanctity of his own home.  The pizza and his diet are all that are at risk here.

Then of course you have Diane Feinstein out in California who made the most insane comment that, "all of our veterans are mentally ill".  Feinstein is ill for making that statement.  First and foremost, she isn't qualified to make such an assessment.  Some of our fighting men and women do come home in horrible shape, both physically and mentally.  War is a shitty, shitty thing and it does horrible shit to otherwise great people.  But very few come home "incompetent".  Very few....  And secondly, in reference to Ms. Feinstein... there is a picture of her circulating holding what I remember to be an AK47 (one of the most demonized guns in the land) in front of a group of people, the magazine planted firmly in the magazine well.... with her fucking finger inside the trigger guard, on the trigger!
So here is one of your "sane, competetent" people doing pretty much everything wrong.  This is just the start of the "flies in the ointment".

Something else Shawn mentioned was "Accidental Discharge Insurance".  Really?  Making every gun owner in the country carry "accidental discharge insurance" on every gun they own?  I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but this sounds like they are testing the waters for some kind of a gun grab.  "If you can't afford the insurance, you'll have to turn over your guns to stay in compliance with the law."  To that I say BULLSHIT.  Why not make it necessary for every human to carry 'accidental I may get shot insurance"?  I'll tell you why not.  Because that is bullshit too (but they are trying to make us all have health insurance).

He also went on to say that a tiered licensing system for gun owners was a great idea and mentioned that it isn't necessary for any individual to own an "arsenal".  His exact words were "....but home protection and hunting don't require individuals to own an arsenal".  Where are you going to draw the line on the term "arsenal".  Where are you going to fix rates on the 'tiered licensing system"?  Will you do this with the amount of guns owned, their caliber or what YOU determine as the guns intended use?  I'll go ahead and call BULLSHIT there too.  Maybe I do think there is a line on what should be acceptable as for how many guns 1 person might own.  I do completely believe that there are ways around that as well.  Create a law and someone finds a loophole. 

Shawn went on to close his piece by saying that we tend to wait until the next massacre before we begin talks about the subject again.  I think there are a lot of reasons behind that.  Importantly Shawn also mentions something about "trade offs".  I've got a great one Shawn.  You give up your guns (because Ms. Feinstein said you're incompetent) and I'll keep all of mine.  How does it get any better than that?

More Dear Bubba....

For some reason, some people keep asking me for advice regarding their lives.  Silly, isn't it?  Well, I feel obligated to pass on some semi-not so sound information in an attempt to help some good folks out.  The following are a few recent questions and the best advice I could muster.

May 6, 2014
Dear Bubba,

I am the mother of a boy who is 8 years old.  He has expressed interest in becoming involved with team sports.  My husband and I have discussed this at great lengths and we are at a stand still, so I come to you with this problem.

My son is uncoordinated.  He cannot run, throw a baseball or football, swing a bat or shoot baskets.  The last time he tried to swing a tennis racket, he gave himself a concussion.  The boy has to take a shower because he would drown in a bath tub.  So Bubba, what sport should we get him started in?

Hopeful in Kansas


Dear Hopeful in Kansas,

Spelling.  Get the kid involved in spelling or reading, but be sure you buy his dumb ass a helmet.

Love,
Bubba 


May 5th, 2014

Dear Bubba,

My girlfriend and I just moved in together.  We've been a couple for 2.5 years and our relationship is really strong.  In fact, we've discussed the possibility of getting married, but its not a subject we talk about at much length. 

Anyhow, we moved in to this real nice apartment and repainted and redecorated the entire place.  We discussed everything we did pertaining to the type of furniture, paint colors and schemes and the likes.  Right now we are in the middle of a big argument over what kind of a pet we should get.  I want a dog, she wants a cat so what should we do? 

Thanks in advance
Dog guy


Dear Dog Guy,

Get a ferret.  They are obnoxious.  They will piss on everything, ruin all of the hard work you spent on painting the joint.  By the time the ferret destroys your apartment, you'll realize that it would have been far easier to just let your old lady have a damned cat.  (By the way, there is a 50/50 chance that the cat too will piss on everything and that may bring the old lady around to your way of thinking!)

  Pretty smart, eh?  The problem with that is, if you get a puppy, he is likely to piss on everything, leave little doggie bombs in some very conspicuous and strategically placed locations and then you'll think you should have purchased a hamster.  By the time you purchase a hamster and all of the shit that goes with a hamster, (cage, that little squeeky wheel, tubes for him to run around in, that dumb ball where you can turn him loose on the carpet, wood chips, water bottle, etc) you'll decide that a hamster is a pretty dumb pet and you will probably start to think about birds.  Birds are cool, but they are loud and they fly.  Unless your apartment is as big as the outside, another dumb idea which may bring you around to the idea of a hermit crab.  If you choose a crab as a pet, you are an idiot.  Crabs don't really do anything so whats the use.

Buy a plant, dude.  You still have to pay it attention, get it water, perhaps feed it but they normally don't screw up a good paint job unless your girlfriend throws it at you..  As well, they are pretty cheap and you can use all of the left over money to buy your girl a big ass diamond.

Simple rule Jerky.  "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."  Take that information and do with it what you want.  If you can't figure out a pet, you won't figure out being married.  Start hanging out at a strip club.  Hookers don't care about any of that stuff.

Love,
Bubba


May 5th, 2014

Dear Bubba,

Man, everything in my life right now is going absolutely great!  I've got a smoking hot wife, a new Corvette, a great job, incredible friends, a ton of money and I am on this super long streak of good luck.  I am wondering if you know what it is that could possibly screw all of this up?

Sincerely,
Lucky


Dear Lucky,

Look at you with all of this good shit happening!  That's awesome, dude!  "Do I know what could possibly screw up your run of good luck?"  Damned right I do!  Talking to me!!!! 

Don't you ever come to me when shit is all going right!

Screw you,
Bubba


May 4th, 2014

Dear Bubba,

I have this horrible fear that whenever I go out to eat, I fear someone is spitting in my food.  Is this rational?

Scaredy Cat


Dear Scaredy Cat,

Don't fear people spitting in your food.  Just know that it is happening and remember not to chew those big loogies... swallow em like an oyster... with some hot sauce.

Love,
Bubba

Cops in my home town

I am fortunate enough to get my hometown news daily on my computer.  It's always nice to see whats happening or not happening at home while I am 700 some miles away.  There is one constant in the news and that is at least one story of a pedestrian getting run over or someone dying at the hands of the police.

Any time the police are involved, I get a kick out of reading all of the comments from people who think they know what "really happened".  From reading their 2 cents worth, it is easy to come up with the notion that all of LVPD (Metro) is a bunch of jack booted thugs.  I know and understand otherwise. 

The story that got my attention today was that they released more information about a guy who was killed a week or so ago for coming out of a house, pointing a gun at cops. Oh, he also shot at the cops. (If you want to die, this is the express pass.  No excuse for doing something so stupid.)  The new information released said that the man was a "violent felon" who had recent arrests for DUI, child abuse, and battery.  As well, the man was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. 

Now, with the above information, I imagine I will go off in a few different directions, but I want to start with the people who have a problem with the cops.  There are people out there that honestly think that when a guy comes running at you, shooting at you.... there is a way to negotiate around the situation.  I would agree with that, 100% but it normally ends up with the violent felonious asshole dead.  I think that is just... shoot at a cop, they shoot back.  Completely fair if you ask me.  But, people try to stand up for the dead guy! 

"He was mentally ill."  No joke, mental illness is a real issue but put that aside for a second.  Without any diagnosis involved, I think its a pretty fair assumption that if you run out of a house shooting at cops, your ass will be shot and then one would certainly question your mental status.  Fair enough? 

"He was really a great guy!" Come again?  This guy is classified as a violent felon based upon his actions.  Normally "great guys" do great things.  Assholes are people who are constantly arrested for and convicted of child abuse, DUI, battery, domestic abuse.  To me and according to the guys rap sheet, he classifies himself by his actions as a "hall of fame asshole".  Great guys do things like help the elderly, show love and compassion for his fellow humans, donate time to worthy causes, pitch in where needed.  This guy beats kids, women, drives drunk...  How do you confuse a great guy with an asshole is beyond me.

"He didn't need to die".  You know what?  Maybe you are right, especially if he didn't have a gun in his hands and was not shooting at the cops.  Are the cops to sit idly by and let the asshole run out of ammo before having some kind of a discussion with him?  Really?  If that's the case and you are better equipped to handling the situation than the cops, why is your ass at home while the cops are on the street?  I'd venture a guess that if this guy came out of the house with his hands up, complied with officer's directives, he'd still be around.  He didn't, therefor he's not.

Now don't get me wrong.  I am damned sure there are some asshole cops out there and I have dealt a few.  Some have a chip on their shoulder, some overly aggressive.  Through my years in the bar business and decades as a civilian, you can say I've spent a fair amount of time discussing various things with law enforcement agents.  Even a guy like me can maneuver his way through a cop questioning him, without getting his ass shot.  It's not that hard.  With that being said, I've never pointed a gun at a cop so maybe I am not really being fair about all of this.

This guy was a screw up.  Just say it.  What about his record says, "I am a good guy"?  There are societal rules everywhere you go.  If you use a bit of common sense, not getting your ass shot isn't that hard to do.  

Getting healthy and staying that way.....

Far be it for me to go on any kind of a "health" rant.  I've been healthier than I am now, and I've been unhealthier than I am now.  By no means could I even be confused with a health guru.  I've fallen back into some old habits, like eating what I can when I can. That proves to be, well, unhealthy.  I am going to get my ass back in the gym, eat healthy and maybe I will chronicle all of that here.

But, the reason behind this rant is a trend that is going on that drives me up the wall.  Has anyone seen all of the health fad things popping up on Facebook?  Seems like there is more now than ever.  Perhaps they work.  I don't know.  I haven't given them much attention.  I know what works for me.  Eat right.  Exercise.  Drink a lot of water.  Pretty simple.

But what drives me up the wall is watching someone say that they are doing this "wonderful new detox program" that is simple and it has 100 health benefits to easily add to your diet!  Sounds great, doesn't it?  It makes you think, "Good for you" and "I need to get my ass on track."  Then about 2 or 3 spaces down from this person taking this health leap you see that they hung out doing shots and beers, smoked a 1/2 pack of Marlboro Reds....  The health kick essentially lasted 6 hours.  The real beauty is, they will continue to tell you how committed they are to this health program.....

It's about choices.  And if you are going to walk around and tout your health and health care endeavors, don't rush right back in and say you are looking for some oxygen and a hangover cure.  All of that effort to detox went to hell in a hand cart with the shitty food you ate when you got blasted!

Obviously, you can do whatever you want to do.  You're an adult.  But don't you feel slightly hypocritical saying you're on a health kick that somehow includes a 12 pack of Bud Light, Cuervo and Marlboro Reds?  No? 

Personally, and this is just me folks.... personally, I think you look like an asshole.  And that's okay because it's just my opinion.  Really, what's that worth?

Back to the choices thing.  Pick one and stick to it.  You look like less of an asshole and there is a benefit to that, even if it is only impressing me.