I've got issues....

On my daily commute, I have a lot of time to myself these days.  Perhaps too much.  I often find myself rationalizing the irrational and somehow making sense of it all. Hopefully it's just me that does this.  It seems as if there has to be a better use of ones time.

                                                       

The one thing I tried to digest tonight on the ride home is, being in a cafe or whatever and finding a hair in your food!  Yeah.... kind of gross, but I got to thinking about it.  Imagine sitting down, ordering and when you meal comes out, there is a nice 6 inch long hair across the top of your chicken fried steak???  Right?  The skin kind of crawls, but what happens next is critical.  You can throw a fit and be a real dick to the waitress!  Complain, bitch and moan the whole time and we know what that gets you... they go ahead and remake your chicken fried steak, but everyone in the kitchen licks it, they throw it on the floor and play kitchen hockey with it... it eventually finds someones  genitals.... then its brushed off, deep fried, then served.

   (Houston, we have a problem.)

I came to this conclusion.  If you were a good person, completely polite during the seating and ordering process and eventually find a hair in your food.... it was most likely a total mistake.  Shit happens, and we now know if you act like a dick, your food will be purposely messed with. 

So here's the key.... if you find a hair in your food, you have to determine length.  After length comes hair color, and it may be a hair from your server which is obviously accidental.  You are potentially a "tipping" customer and tips is where they make a living-so if you were cool, think of it as a mistake.  Remain cool and it gets taken care of professionally.

BUT!!!!!  If you were a jerk off, and it was a short kinky hair....?  Yeah, you might have had that coming.

But for the new me.  The "Zen Buddhist Redneck Me"... I remain completely calm. I enjoy the pleasant aroma for a chicken fried steak with gravy.  I admire the prowess of the chef who arranged the vegetables in the most appealing way and the placement of the parsley garnish and don't say a word.  Nope, I don't say a thing.  Yeah, the hair looks like a pube, but it could have been a whole "dick and balls combo platter" and ain't nobody got time for that!

 I also analyzed the subject from this stand point.  The USDA or FDA feel that a certain amount of bugs, bug parts, and rat shit is acceptable in our food.  All of a sudden, a human hair seems almost appetizing.  Pass the Tabasco, please.


Boner Apetit, fuckers!