December Hate Thing, day 24

Elves, trolls and midgets.  I hate them all, except "Key Hole".  Key Hole was a pretty cool midget guy I met while in the bar business.  In the 18.5 years I was in the bar business I saw a lot of things.  A lot of those things I saw more than once.  Almost always they were the things that you didn't want to see in the first place. 

As I mentioned, Key Hole was a midget.  (Am I over referencing that fact?)  Part of what was cool about him was, he knew it  and he introduced himself to me that way.  I mean, it was obvious that he was a midget, but this guy had this enthusiasm.  He had this positive energy about him.  Maybe he was a "biker Budda" or something, but this guy was having a blast and everyone around him was too. 

So it's busy as hell, and here is this midget biker walking about the place acting as the biker's ambassador.  He was walking around, shaking hands, giving information (on what, I don't know) and telling jokes.  Everybody was loving this guy!  One of my doormen stepped up and asked me, "have you met the midget dude yet?"  I hadn't, but that would change.

Tills are ringing, whiskey's slinging and everyone is working their tails off.  I am standing at the back stairs and here he comes.  "God damn, you're a pretty good sized old feller, ain't ya?" he says to me half laughing.  I answered "Yeah, pretty good sized."  "Key Hole is what they call me." he replied.  I answered, "Key Hole, Brice Dudley...glad to meet you." and I shook his small, thick, weird hand.  "What do you do here Brice, beat fuckers up?'' he said with a big smile on his face.  "Believe it or not Key Hole, I manage the bar."  I said.  "Shit, so you're kind of like the club diplomat or something?" he asked.  ''Yeah, I reckon I am, Key Hole."  Key Hole shook his head and followed up with this.  "You look like a funny guy, Brice.  Not funny, but you look like you have a sense of humor.  Is that true."  "I'd like to think I do Key Hole, but I don't always look like I am having a blast while I am working.  I guess its a fault or something." I said.  Key Hole said...."I have to pee,  is the pisser down stairs."  I nodded yeah and smiled because there were two signs right near me that clearly stated that.  Key Hole said, "Ill be right back."

At this point, I couldn't figure out if Key Hole was getting on my nerves or if he and I could get along.  I'd never encountered a half hyper, all the way happy midget before so I was doing all I could to figure out what would happen next.  I had the feeling that he was probably a good guy.

A couple of minutes later, old Key Hole comes bounding up the steps (about as good as a midget could bound) and he had this big smile on his face.  "I'm only going to be here about 15 to 20 more minutes, Brice" Key Hole said, "but if I tell you a joke and it at least makes you smile, will you buy me a beer?"  Now, I am smiling on the inside because I am talking to a midget.  "I'll buy you a beer if you make me smile" I promised.

Key Hole claps his hands, steadies himself like he is going to try to jump up kiss me and says, "Whats better than kicking a midget?"  I chuckled and smiled.  He won...  I just shook my head.  Key Hole said, "Nothing fucker!  Bud light please."  That shit was funny, especially coming from him! Oh, and I bought him a Bud Light.

I hate elves, trolls and midgets... except Key Hole.