Challenge accepted, goal accomplished! 31 different rants about things I "hate". Can't believe I made it. I really don't hate much, but I think I saved some goodies for this last, final, December Hate Thing. In the future, I'm going to try to write once a week. I want to put a little more thought into the things I write. Maybe it will make for more entertaining reading. Maybe it won't.
At this time, I'd like to thank everyone who read any of this shit, people who encouraged me to write and the people who thought I was a literary lead fart. I averaged about 100 views a day on the blog. Not to bad for a guy who placed 3rd in an essay contest for all 6th graders. I'd like to thank my wife and kids. Without them I wouldn't have had half of the stuff I ramble on about. (Sounds like a fucking Grammy acceptance speech...) Anyhow, seriously... thanks.
Turns out, I have a lot of shit I hate and I also have shit I love and hate at the same time. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but hopefully I can clarify that in this last "December Hate Thing".
Do you know what I hate? Do you know what I really hate? I hate the anti-gun movement in this country. I was born and raised in a house full of guns and none of those guns or the ones I possess today have committed 1 crime. There were 2 kids in that house and somehow, some way we survived. I hate that these people are using what looks to be a lot of mentally ill people to further their agenda. When planes hit the Twin Towers, we didn't blame the planes. When someone gets shot, some of us blame guns..... This shit is about placing accountability where it belongs and leave it there! This is a human issue! A gun is nothing more than a object when left alone. It can't do a thing. What pisses me off more than that is, too many people who are anti gun don't know a fucking thing about guns! They don't care to get a proper education on the subject because it will most likely change all of the bullshit canned propaganda they've been fed all along.
You're allowed to not like guns. I respect that because guns are certainly not for everyone. If you don't like guns, don't own one. It's simple.
You know what else I really hate? Bigots....oh I hate bigots! Just how in the fuck do you go around hating people you've never met? I hate that a lot of bigots hide behind religion to express their bigotry. Those are some extra special assholes with extra sauce. You're a giant asshole to say anything hurtful to anybody. This doesn't have a God damned thing to do with Phil Robertson either. He isn't using his religion as a shield. Gay, straight, black, white, religious, not so religious, etc... it doesn't matter to me. I pretty much like everyone, unless I meet you and determine you are an asshole. Then, you're on your own. Quit being hurtful to people you don't know..... Oh, while I am on the subject.... anyone standing up for their cause, using their own voices to make a stand.... don't try to jam words in my mouth. Quit trying to be "hard core". Relax, act right and maybe some other people will take you more serious.
Guess what else I really hate? People who don't know how to park their shitty cars! I can't stand that shit. Ill start with the assholes who park in the handicapped spots. You lazy piece of shit! Get your ass out in the parking lot with the rest of the people! You're not special. You're an asshole and I don't really think I need to meet you to determine that. You just pulled a dick move. It's all I need. Moving on...... for the people who don't have the skills to park a car properly.... parking is part of driving. If you can not park a car, you should no be able to drive a car. See, you fuck things up for the rest of us. You park on bad angles and take 2 spaces and make it difficult for the cars on either side of you to move. Then there's this, and its a simple concept... if you cannot parallel park, don't choose a busy street to get some practice. (Like the Jackson Town Square on 4th of July.) You already know you suck at it! Give it up, drive your sorry ass around the block and find somewhere else to stop that hunk of shit you're driving. Is that simple enough? You can't do it, so you don't do it.... got it? If not, go turn in your license.
Here's another thing I hate. I hate when someone who goes out, buys a brand new diesel truck then complains about the price of diesel! Are you shitting me? You knew what that shit cost when you bought that $65,000 King Ranch pick 'em up truck. Nobody snuck that shit in on you! Diesel has been higher than gasoline for a long time! You had to know. If you didn't know, you're an asshole.
One of my all time favorites... Customer service.... Some people are not meant to be in this line of work and it seems like I run into them all of the time. Not too long ago, I was trying to return something that I had purchased. The item basically fell apart before I could use it. So I walk into the store and was promptly greeted. I told the young man that I was here to return this item and I needed to know where to go to get this taken care of. He pointed to the counter and said "Ill grab the manager, sir. Be right back." There I am, all by my lonesome... not another soul to be seen. After nearly 10 minutes, I decided I would go find the manager on my own. Harder than I thought it turned out but I ran into someone who said they could help me. I was elated! We walk back to the counter and the person says, "How can I help you?". I thought I was in a time warp... "Didn't I just ask you to find me some help for a refund and you said you could help me?", I said. She just looked at me like I turned off all of the lights in her head. "Oh", she says. "Ill have to go find the manager."
This is one of those ultra special moments when you either go one of two ways. You completely lose your shit or you can hear yourself getting dumber. I could hear myself getting dumber. For those who want to know what it sounds like, its like a metronome ticking in the back of your head.... Out of nowhere, here comes the first kid I ran into. "Sir, the manager will be right here" the guy said with a great deal of confidence. In the mean time...tick...tick...tick. About I minute later, here comes the manager. "How can I help you sir?" this new person said, again with a great deal of confidence.
"I would like to return this item, please." I say. "It appears to be broken sir." this person exclaims. (Now... here is where I would normally do a u-turn and find the "lose your shit" off ramp, but I was trying to hold it all together.) "Broken? Yes, it is indeed broken and that is why I am returning it." I say. "If you buy a product and go break it, I can't take that back." this person says. "Look, you're missing my point completely. I purchased the product, got home, opened the box and the product was broken in the box I didn't break it. It was already broken." I say as I nod to try to get this person to follow along and get me out of the store.
The person went on to mumble something about "policy", shuffled some paperwork around, and stared at my receipt. The person looked up at me and I knew something profound was about to happen. "Well what do you want me to do about it?" the kid says.... It sounded like an elephant stepped on the metronome in my head. In the most calm voice I could muster I said, "You'd better start shitting me golden eggs or give the amount of money on the bottom of the receipt." I got the money, apologized for the bullshit statement I made and left but when I did I thought of this.... What I said was pretty funny, but would it have been more funny saying it in a Dirty Harry voice? Do it and tell me what you think? Its better, isn't it? Damn it! Now I hate that too.
It would have sounded better, right? Damn, I hate that shit......
No comments:
Post a Comment